It was one of those March days when the sun shines hot and the wind blows cold: when it is summer in the light, and winter in the shade. ~Charles Dickens
Still, I have had that burst of energy and sense of renewal I always get at this time of year. My springtime state of mind started early this year, with a dream, about two weeks ago.
I woke up around Valentine's Day feeling -- I don't know -- different than I have in many years. In my dream the night before, I'd been running and moving my body -- dancing, exercising, even just walking -- in ways I have not since before I got married nearly 27 years ago.
Back then I weighed about... well, never mind. It doesn't matter. I was a great deal thinner and far more active. I was always athletic growing up and prior to my marriage I worked out five days a week. After marrying, raising children and working the time and energy were not there to continue all that. The pounds piled on. But, back to the dream.
For many years I couldn't run in my dreams. If the dreams were about danger, I couldn't run in them. If the dreams were about me trying to jog or participate in a sport, I couldn't get my arms and legs in sync. It was as though I didn't know how, had never learned.
In my recent dream I looked the same as I do now. Same, old 'chubby' me. Funny how it's still hard for me to use the word 'fat,' even though that is more precise. What stayed with me when I woke up was how I felt while running, dancing, moving freely... I'd forgotten those feelings. I want them back.
So, the next morning I weighed myself on a whim and realized I'd lost nine pounds in the past six weeks. Between that surprise drop in weight and the dream-induced endorphins, I decided that it was time I got back on track. Literally and figuratively. All the reasons I had before are no longer valid. I'm not busy with children, I'm no longer in an unhappy marriage, though I still work full-time (actually more), I have a lot of control over my schedule and the stress that comes with it.
I've done pretty well since maing the decision to stay on track. I've lost another five pounds for a total of 14 over the course of eight weeks. For the first time in a long time I feel like I'm headed in the right direction. Not just facing in the right direction, not just knowing the right direction to go in... actually moving in the right direction.
Like the winter changing into spring. It's like a big ice dam is melting. It's all good.