Hummingbird Mind

I'm the New DC Empty Nest Examiner at Examiner.com

It's been a busy week, one where I did so much writing that I'm at a loss for words to use here.  So, I will put in a gratuitous plug for my new "column" at Examiner.com where I am the new Empty Nest Examiner for Washington, DC. 

I can hear you... "How is she going to manage that when she can't assemble two sentences a week here?"  The answer?  Incentive.  I get compensation, distribution of the content that I produce and visibility.  Besides, this is my place to discuss my personal experiences while there it's about all Empty Nesters.

Here's an example of a topic I would not raise on my Examiner.com page:

As a joke (I'm sure) my middle child - SHARON - got it in to her mind that I wrote about her sisters more than I  wrote about her. "SHARON", I said, "That's because you don't cause me any problems."  I thought that ended the discussion.  But no... SHARON's "friends" apparently ran some algorhythm or something on my blog and came up with some ridiculous statistic that supported her claim. SHARON who is, truly, a reasonable kid 92.391 percent of the time, shrugs it off, but her friends persist.  SHARON, honey, what kind of friend tries to drive a wedge between a mother and her child? SHARON, get some new friends. 

Still, I feel compelled to provide my own proof that my daughters are treated equally here and elsewhere. First, I have all the worksheets (and adding machine tapes) from every Christmas since you all were born to prove that I spent the same dollar amount on each of you -- even if it meant pulling out one of the presents or tossing three pennies into your stocking to balance things out.  To all you kids, did you ever wonder why some of you got pennies and foil covered chocolate coins in your stockings?

Second, here is the wordle for my blog.  I believe a picture is worth a thousand words. Please note that I mention someone named Joan and someone else named Jack, more than I mention you all.  (Click on the image to enlarge it.

So SHARON, whom do you trust?

The Nesting Hormone

It must be hormonal -- by the way, the myth that women my age don't have hormones really is just a myth -- but I was hit by a surge of energy last Sunday. This has had me nesting the way I did when I was about a week out from delivering a baby.  Those of you who have been there know what I mean.

I've been making soups, staring at my sewing machine, tossing trash, cleaning closets, vacuuming, dusting furniture, power cleaning the carpets, plumping pillows and, this morning, finally organizing my office.  Getting all this done while putting in 40 hours a week required some structuring of the day.  Up at 6:00 a.m. From 7:00 to 9:00 expend hormone N.  Work from 9:00 to 12:00.  Expend more hormone N.  Biggest expenditures took place between 8:00 p.m. and midnight. And so on throughout the day until I fell face first into bed each night.  

Part of it must be the anticipation of Christmas. I'll have all my girls here for that day. A lot of it though is that I've hit my stride in this consulting/work from home thing.  In addition to my 40 hour per week gig, I will, next week, begin as the DC Empty Nest Examiner for Examiner.com. 

All of this will require all my time management skills and, for the Empty Nest page, a lot of research and reading to stay on top of the topic.

Which reminds me.  I need to get a picture of myself.  I'm so organized.  Where did I put my camera? 

Proposition 8 in Song

I love Jack Black.

See more Jack Black videos at Funny or Die

Back Off, Grandma

My friend "Joan" is on the phone. She is "shocked and hurt" that her daughter "Colleen" wants to review or make suggestions for the gifts Joan gives her grandson "Gregory. Aha, I think.  The age-old grandma-mommy boundary struggle. 

Joan: Since when do grandmother's have to get permission or go through an approval process for gifts they give their grandchildren?  You'd think she was the ethics officer at some corporation. What happened to surprises under the tree? I didn't sign up for this.  I should give my gifts to perfect strangers who will be more appreciative.

Me: Well, maybe she's just curious about your plans.

Joan: No, she's just become so controlling.  She tells me what to feed him, how to dress him, how to give him a bath.  That's if she leaves him alone with me at all. You'd think I hadn't raised four children.

Me: Hmmm.  Maybe she had a traumatic food or bath incident on your watch?

Joan: Really. I'm being serious. I suppose you don't have these issues with R.

Me: I try not to.

I won't say that I haven't stepped on some toes without meaning to.  You can't help it.  But, I am not offended when my daughter sets boundaries. At times the parameters they set may seem frivolous or even outrageous. But, our girls aren't stupid.  At other times their decisions are grounded in knowledge or experiences outside our own.  Besides, they get to make the rules because they're the mommies now.

I raised a very strong and independent daughter who knows what her child needs and how she wants her raised. I was also gifted with a long memory, which has helped me in these kinds of situations. 

For the most part, my mother paid attention to the important boundaries I set.  Typically those were the same areas over which she' struggled with her mother and mother-in-law.  There were others she blew off.  And guess what. The kids survived. I say, pick your battles. We are all in this together. Or we should be.

In the case of my granddaughter I have one rule.  Ask her mother.  Not only does it keep the peace, it is respectful.  When it comes to birthday or Christmas gifts, I ask what the baby needs.  In the case where I'm babysitting I welcome the instructions and schedules she gives me.  Why disrupt the child's routine? 

Why not partner in the parenting department?  Learn from one another. Relax.  It's all good.  And someday, we will laugh when our girls go through this with their daughters.