Hummingbird Mind

November 30... A Worthy Day For A Blog Entry

I'm prompted to blog because tomorrow is December 1, the first day of my favorite month of the year. Actually, I'm not sure it's my favorite month. I have many favorite months if I think about it.  (For instance, there are the ones with "R" in them that represent oyster season.) Anyway, I'll have to give it all more thought.  But December is the month that contains my favorite holiday, Christmas.

I'm also prompted to write because a year ago this past week, I made some life decisions -- conscious, well thought out, introspective, significant LIFE decisions. I made the decision to leave an extremely well-paying job, with great benefits because the work wasn't rewarding.  I made the decision to change directions and pursue dreams I'd had for the last 20 years. The fact that I hadn't been happy there for more than a few years, helped push me along.

So, the decision wasn't hard. Though I wrestled with the wisdom of it, I knew it made sense for me.  And, fate, in the form of the death of a dear friend's father, spoke to me and sealed the deal.  "If you don't do this now you will not be alive in two years."  Two years. The voice was very specific.

I'm not sure if the message was metaphorical -- 'alive' in the sense of 'happy' or 'fulfilled' or whether 'won't be alive' meant dead.  No pulse. Gone.  A memory.  Maybe. Never to see my daughters or granddaughter -- who hadn't been born yet, by the way -- grow old. It doesn't really matter.  What mattered was that I could not, would not continue living the life I had been living.

I am not sure I told my friend this, but if I didn't I will now.  The clarity that descended on me that night and the week after allowed me to make the decision. It was somehow spot on... a gift from your father. I felt it.  And I will always be grateful.

So, I took the leap.  I trusted that I could support myself and the kids. Make the decisions and downsizing necessary. Manage to get by.  Not just manage to get by, but to be happy.  Really happy.

And, just so you know, it was the right decision. It hasn't always been easy.  But was one of the bravest, best decisions I've ever made. 

So this week, I remember my friend's Dad.  And my friend and her mother. 

And that is all I've got to say right now.  On to December...

My Family: A Thanksgiving History Lesson

Thanksgiving Day has always meant more to me than the turkey, stuffing, mashed potatoes and gravy we consume. It has never been the day before Black Friday -- that kick-off to the religious, I mean,  commercial holiday season. Instead, Thanksgiving was a special day to be thankful for my very American family and all we had, no matter what continent we happened to be living on. Then about 35 years ago Thanksgiving took on another dimension.

In the course of working on the family genealogy, my father discovered that we were direct descendants of the Pilgrim William Brewster.  The news prompted me to seek out some history books about Plymouth Colony and the people who settled it. I was interested in finding out who the Brewsters were and how that group of Puritans begot the rag-tag relatives I know and love. Of course, I also wondered whether any characteristics, qualities or family values had managed to work their way down the bloodline to me or other members of my family. 

I did discover a few shared family traits:

• There's the whole "separatist" thing.  I'm always separating from something or someone.
• William Brewster named two of his children (sons) Love and Wrestling.  Suddenly, the generations of of love and wrestling (we call them family dynamics) made sense. It's tradition! Just this past weekend, two of my children were involved in a bit of a verbal "wrestle." By the way, as you may have guessed, we sit in the Love branch of the Brewster tree. 
• Like my ancestors, I take twice as long as anyone else to travel anywhere and usually wind up in the wrong place.  Google a destination, any destination. Check the estimated drive time. Double it.  That's how long it will take me to arrive.  The Pilgrims' journey from England to America took two months.  They were supposed to land in Virginia, or wait, maybe it was somewhere near the mouth of the Hudson River in New York.  I'm just saying...

What I really feel connected to are the words the Pilgrims they left us... the laws, social contracts and histories. We all know The Mayflower Compact and William Bradford's  Of Plymouth Plantation; but, my friend Evelyn shared the following passage. Another friend, JET, believes it may be from the covenant of the Pilgrim Church.

We pledge to walk together

In the ways of truth and affection,

As best we know them now

Or may learn them in days to come,

That we and our children may be fulfilled

And that we may speak to the world

In words and actions

Of peace and goodwill.

 

Words to live by. Have a Happy Thanksgiving!

 

Holiday Happiness in the Empty Nest

Understand upfront that holiday schedules and traditions change when the nest empties. Know this and you Empty Nester singles and couples can avoid a sense of loss or loneliness. Take some time to rethink and plan new ways and times to be together with your kids to enjoy the holidays.

My children are older now and naturally their lives have changed. My eldest has a new life and family of her own. For my other two children, Northern Virginia is their home. Their father, their friends and memories are there.  I understood when I moved to Maryland's Eastern Shore that my house would change from "home" to "a great place to visit." Anticipating what that change would mean for family holiday celebrations made things easier for me and the rest of my family.

In fairness, our family has had lots of practice with creative holiday scheduling since my first daughter visited her biological father and his new family on alternate major holidays. We began rewriting the calendar decades ago in order to assure that our new family was together -- if not on the holiday itself -- sometime during the holiday season. 

When my daughters asked what we were doing for Thanksgiving and Christmas this year, I told them that I would be here and they should coordinate with one another to determine when we'd celebrate.  This worked great. I didn't have to herd cats (I'm not that good at it and it makes me cranky).  The plan they came up with works just fine.

It was decided that the weekend before Thanksgiving Day we would cook a big, traditional Thanksgiving dinner at my father's house, which is about 20 miles away from my home.  Then on Thanksgiving Day, my girls will make the rounds at other family and friends' homes the DC area.  

Christmas Day will be at my place, with some arriving before or on Christmas Eve and some arriving Christmas morning. Spillover guests will bunk at Grandpa's house. We'll enjoy a few days together as a family.  I'm delighted with their decision.  This will be my granddaughter's first "conscious" Christmas. 

Where will I be on Thanksgiving Day since my kids will be elsewhere? I'll go to Dad's, watch football with him and my brother, look my Dad's latest additions to his genealogy project, and enjoy hot turkey sandwiches made with the tons of left-overs from this past Saturday.   I will not be cleaning up the kitchen or trying to figure out what to do with the leftover Turkey carcass.

Easy, schmeazy.  How about you? What are you doing for the holidays this year?

Happy Birthday, Delaney

One year ago at this time, I was trying to absorb the day's events. I had become a grandmother.  I blogged about it and made a video even.

It's been a wonderful year of watching Delaney Lee grow; but I want to give a shout out to her parents, my daughter, Rachel, and her husband, Jon.  Delaney won't know how lucky she is until she's had her own children. 

They are the best parents. It's a joy to watch them with their girl. It's a joy to watch them as a family. They were high school sweethearts. I remember when Jon came to pick Rachel up for her first homecoming dance.  I hope they know how proud each of their families are of them and how much they are loved.

Can't wait to hear about Delaney's day.  I know it was special.  But to me this is as much about Rachel and Jon.

Debora and Nancie's Awesome Italy Trip Google Spreadsheet

No, you won't be able to search out copies of my Itay trip expense statements on the Web.  Debora and I kept track of shared expenses while on our trip to Italy with a shared Google Docs spreadsheet.  It was simple to set up and easy to use. 

While we planned the trip, each of us could track what we'd spent by entering the expense on the spreadsheet and know that at the end, we'd settle up.  Each night as we drank a nice chianti or some other lovely vino, we'd enter our receipts for the day's shared costs -- food, wine, cab.  Toward the end of the trip we were less obsessive about accounting, so I'm looking forward to running a trial balance on some of those end of the day entries.

So, yes, updating and reconciling the spreadsheet is at the top of my to-do list today.  Uh huh.  Yeah.  No. I'm here writing about it instead.  And, right under "update the spreadsheet" is "upload Italy pics" and "blog about Italy trip." 

While you wait for me to get off my lazy writing butt, if you want to know more about how to set up your own spreadsheets or other documents, go to Google and choose "More" from the choices they give you at the top left of the Google sign-in screen.  You'll need a free account to use the Docs feature, but you can at least read about what's offered if you choose not to join.

If this post didn't get you to stop muttering about my propensity for procrastination where writing is concerned (I hear you and I get your email), then check back later.  Either there will be a new entry about Italy or you can read about how my father now claims that Normans climbed our family tree in the 1400s.  This is mucking with my entire genetic identity and self concept. I'll have to explore all sorts of "self-hate" issues. I just know you want to read all about that, too.

Catching Up

Getting ready for Italy, coming home, riding the roller coaster that was our presidential election, and jumping back into a full week of work took a lot more out of me than I'd expected.  Or maybe I'm just lazy.

Guess I thought I'd be able to make that week of Italian rest and relaxation work for me for quite a while.  In some ways it has worked.  In other ways, not so much.  But today is Saturday.  Great for getting back on track.

First, I need to get this house in order.  From a distance it must look like Time Square on New Year's morning before the cleaning crews clear things out. So, I'll shelve the travel books, store the suitcase, throw out the multiple copies of catalogues that arrived while I was away.  Ditto that for the junk mail, too.  I'm making a big pot of confetti bean soup, while I do laundry.  Then I'll vacuum, dust and... no, I won't polish any silver.

This weekend I'll try to upload pictures and blog about the parts of the trip to Lucca I didn't tell you about yet. Then I've got to get to work on a writing proprosal I've been developing and start to set up my Web site.

Just wanted to touch base and let you know I'm back, if you didn't know, and that the entries about Lucca are coming.  How are you?

A Brief Interruption and Public Service Announcement

Haven't been able to continue writing about Italy, but do have a moment to remind everyone to vote and to share Les Misbarack (thanks, Eric Grey!).

Note to David Feldman... even you had to enjoy that, right?

Do your part, everyone. Get out there and vote.